I realized this week, moments after gnawing off the crusty hand of a guy who tried to kill me, that Sons of the Forest, the hardcore survival sim currently dominating Steam (opens in new tab), is a deeply funny game. Not so much because of the cannibalism part (although I did laugh the first time I barbecued a human limb for all of 12 seconds and then ate it whole), but because I then turned around to find my faithful NPC companion Kelvin ankle deep in a pond, looking indifferently at the water. He was trying to get fish out of the pond with his own bare handssomething I had asked him to do about 15 minutes earlier and then quickly forgot about.
I felt bad because Kelvin was clearly so desperate to please me that he didn’t leave wanting a rod, hook, bait or working fish trap (opens in new tab) stop him from completing my arbitrary chore. I was on my way to give him a well deserved pat on the back when I tripped over a fish. No, not fish. It was 13 fish. A dozen baker’s trout piled haphazardly behind Kelvin, who obviously didn’t have time to organize them because he had just lifted another one out of the water. Kelvin is a fishing god! Of course it is! This game is so dumb. I’m on it.
I’m not the only one laughing at Kelvin. He has become everyone’s favorite, best boy (opens in new tab). I wouldn’t want to survive in the forest without him. But Kelvin, like all of us, has gaps in his knowledge that can get him into trouble. For example: the man cannot and should not be trusted around a tree house.
Kelvin says “f*ck this tree, specifically”
Asked Kelvin to get me some logs… from r/SonsOfTheForest
It’s really cool that Sons of the Forest’s free building makes it easy to pick your favorite tree and make it your home. Treehouses are not only a good tactical idea (raiding the locals can’t get to you), but they’re easy to scale. Unfortunately, Kelvin doesn’t appreciate vertical architecture. Currently, when you ask it to collect logs, it is programmed to simply cut down the nearest tree. Even if it’s the tree that’s attached to the treehouse that he’s collecting logs for in the first place.
At first I thought this was an abnormal error. The developers would make Kelvin smart enough not to regularly demolish his house, right? But… uh, yeah, no.
@acrossfrosty (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – AcrossFrosty (opens in new tab)
@fragdcream (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – CRREAM (opens in new tab)
@superswoldier (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – SWOL (opens in new tab)
Sons of the Forest is out and Kelvin is the worst pic.twitter.com/v1xgVdnNGLFebruary 25, 2023
“I can’t even be mad at this guy. I can’t even be mad at him,” streamer SWOL said after losing a promising foundation to Kelvin’s fans. Is true. Kelvin is too innocent and good-natured to hold a grudge against him. Even when he’s literally destroyed everything you’ve worked for, the genuine thumbs up he sends your way is enough to make the heart soar.
@pumakubus (opens in new tab)
♬ finally landed – lily (opens in new tab)
@skyknightgaming_ (opens in new tab)
♬ Original Sound – SkyKnightGaming (opens in new tab)
@theaveragebum (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – Dooney (opens in new tab)
Kelvin’s arboreal exploits have become so infamous that he even gets an entirely appropriate meme treatment in Breaking Bad.
Kelvin STOP from r/SonsOfTheForest
@blackaf1energy_ (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – trollfacersadhappy (opens in new tab)
Fun with physics
To be fair to Kelvin, it’s only a major cause of sudden loss at home. The game is very adept at how much punishment a build can take before it explodes into a pile of Lincoln logs. All it takes is one misplaced ax swing and:
It took us an hour to build this house in Sons of the Forest, then this happens… 💀 pic.twitter.com/kICISVK5r8February 24, 2023
Then there are some physics interactions that are not quite explainable. Not sure what’s up with the snow at this point, but I’m tagging Mario stomp my friends ASAP.
@andy_perry4 (opens in new tab)
♬ Aesthetics – Tollan Kim (opens in new tab)
Sometimes physics is on your side. The spear is a particularly great weapon to have around, in part because it’s capable of things like this:
@scratty_clips (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – Scratty (opens in new tab)
Forest antics have definitely reached a new level now that players are discovering what is possible with 3D sledding. These snowy mountains are just as much fun going down as they are going up:
The sleigh in Sons of the Forest is… something else. pic.twitter.com/C42kHlZnSQFebruary 28, 2023
@whorroricon (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – ranelan (opens in new tab)
I’m amazed at how safe sledding is in the world of Sons of the Forest. I probably would have gone hours without taking a spin on the sled for fear of smashing my head into a tree, but you seem to be almost indestructible once strapped in.
As it turns out, you don’t even need a sled to shred the slopes. Apparently, if you take out your notebook while standing on a hill, you adopt the physical properties of a rubbery sphere.
@sluglyyt (opens in new tab)
♬ original sound – Sad (opens in new tab)
Want the best sled in Sons of the Forest for free? Just open your book while on a slope. 😂 #sonsofttheforest pic.twitter.com/BdlVIocGR3February 28, 2023